Being Nice is Ruining Your Life: The Nice Girl’s Guide to Growing a Backbone
💌 Written by Poppy
I’ve never been the one to say “no” to anything. Not to favors, not to extra shifts at the bookstore, and certainly not to ex-boyfriends who 'just need to talk.'
Why? I’ve always made sure everyone is cared for. It pains me to see someone in need and have no one to help them. Moreover, I tend to feel inadequate when I can’t help.
But that soon changed as I was stretching myself thin, taking on an extra shift at the bookstore while spending another restless night talking to my ex-boyfriend who can’t let go of me. I was exhausted, and not gonna lie… I was getting a little frustrated.
I stopped by my usual newsstand, the Girlfriend Gazette, hoping to take a break from my 'Nice Girl' duties. That’s when I stumbled upon a zine titled 'The Power of No'.
Word for word, it hit like a wake-up call. I wasn’t just reading about boundaries—I was realizing, in real-time, how badly I lacked them. So, if you struggle with Nice Girl Syndrome (with a side of doormat tendencies), this one’s for you:
1. You can’t pour from an empty cup, so start prioritizing your own needs
Whether it’s taking a mental health break, setting aside time for hobbies, or simply resting, love yourself before you can love others.
2. Give yourself the permission to walk away.
Not every argument, event, or relationship deserves your energy. If something consistently drains you, allow yourself to step back. Walking away doesn’t make you rude or mean—it means you respect yourself…
3. Communicate and set clear expectations.
People can’t read your mind. Use direct, honest communication to let others know your limits. Instead of saying, “I’ll try to make it,” say, “I can’t commit to that right now.”
4. Say 'No' without over-explaining—period!
You don’t need a 10-minute explanation for why you can’t do something. It invites negotiation, making it harder to stand your ground. A simple “No, that doesn’t work for me” is enough.
I realize that always being the 'nice girl' invites people to take me for granted. But being nice doesn’t mean lacking a backbone.
I still embrace being kind, but it should not be mistaken for weakness. In case you're wondering, I took fewer shifts—and finally blocked my ex.
Cue 'We’re Never Getting Back Together' by Taylor Swift.
Girlfriends, what do you do to set boundaries for yourself?
